Where I am at creatively - Journal

a white cloth is hung over a stainless steel curved tap. the cloth is covered in splodges of dye. blue, yellow, red, teal and brown
I thought i would give this blogging a bit of a go again, well i mean documenting my thoughts on my own website. Ive really not been on Instagram and i am not feeling it over there. so somewhere that is "mine" and i can control (no algorithm) So lets give this a go. 
This past week i forced myself back to the dye pots. I have been in such an odd head space since i closed fluph, i didn't realise it because it was such a financial relief not to be worry. Then there was lock-down in which we lost a lot of family members (none due to covid but all the trauma that went with covid funerals, covid hospital visits, etc) so i thought 2021 lets do it. but i was so far into the dark hole that 2021 was worse. more trauma because of deaths and care home visiting. and then it was 2022 and due to another family death we had the opportunity to move back to my home area. All that to say is mentally i was never getting out the bit and just didn't want to be creative. i had lost the fire in my heart and the drive. I was in a lucky position where i could just look after me (and everyone else that needed it) but it didn't fix the big black hole i was in. So with the help of counselling, going swimming with my mum and Mark giving me a kick up the butt (and my friends) it was decided i would go out to the shed and dye some solid colours. it doesn't take anything creative to put red dye in a pot and get red yarn. but going through the motions of dyeing has been really good, in a slow way. 
Firstly it has allowed me to use this fantastic space that my parents and i created. Secondly i found myself thinking yesterday, i wanna do a more complicated colourway. That thought shocked me, i have been so worried that the love would never come back and that i would have to give up, i really didn't expect to start feeling like that. So once my in-laws have been for a visit, i'm going to try two colours together. NICE! 

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